[peaces]

new blog.
glassictimes.com

click it
it is your meal ticket

[geeez]

mr betes called my office.
me: whattp
mr betes: how do you spell repetitive
me: r-e-p-e-t-i-t-i-v-e
mr betes: cool thanks man.

seriously? come on man! i was about to call him back and i imagined this happening.
mr betes: hello?
me: hey how do you spell dog
mr betes: AW FUCK YOU LARRY
me: LOL

so i'm thinking of starting a website
vote for the best possible website name for me >>>>>

[the heist]

so my company is like dunder mifflin.
office staff, warehouse staff. our warehouse got broken into last night. they stole an estimated worth of $30,000. DAAAAAYAM.they think it was a former employee of ours cause it was someone who knew their way around the warehouse.
and i'm thinkin they got away with it. what did they steal? i have no idea. im tryin to find out but no one tells me anything.
couldn't have been me. i just dont have the guts to do that kind of shit. i always wanted to from watching shit like oceans eleven and italian job. but real thieves aren't classy and nice like mark wahlberg and george clooney.
could've it been beardy? maybe. but 99% sure he didn't. too nice. or is that the perfect cover up?
could've it been mr betes? no. too lazy. i bet if i put $10000 on the second floor and told him that its his if he wanted it, he'd just say AW FUCK LARRY WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME $10000 AND PUT IT ON TOP OF THE STAIRS?! he probably woulda asked me to get it and give me 2% of it. he's dumb like that too. anyways he wouldn't fit through the warehouse door lol.
could've if it been that former warehouse employee who left to go to lunch and never came back? yes. now that i think about it, he still owes me $4. bastard. i am a victim of heinous crimes.

Stan, the production manager: "should i call the police?"
me: no, better call..
scottie: encyclopedia brown!
everybody: ahahahaha
jeremy: OR nancy drew
everybody: ahahahah
motherfucker stole my moment. i was going to say john mcclain (bruce willis, die hard). but i guess their answer was better. STILL!! THAT WAS SO MY MOMENT! way to steal my thunder guys. that is the true crime of the story.

i was watching dragonheart yesterday. dennis quaid and sean connery as the dragon. dennis quaid's "accent" was going in and out. bad acting.

[conference again]

i had to attend an architect conference this weekend.
i also had to go out for tommys bday. i think i blacked out a little bit.
you can imagine how hungover i was. like wow really hungover.

there was some cool stuff. this one place was handing out these wooden planes you construct. everybody was making them and throwing them around.


looked pretty cool. so i got excited and made one. and i threw it.
right at a lady's head. she did not look happy. my face turned red, i apologized, walked away. this kind of stuff only happens to me.
anyways i met some vendors. jane and brian.
jane was a nice lady. laughs a lot, and has a daughter that goes to george mason. her daughter is in track, and plays lacrosse. she loves it there, but is so busy with classes. especially with the art classes. its not that she's lacks the skill, but because her mind wanders off a lot. she probably got that from her father. i know this because she told me. when all i asked her was "are you a ravens fan"
brian... has a hot wife.

jane couldn't make it to the conference on thursday cause she was sick.
me: how are you feeling?
jane: a lot better. i was in the bathroom alll day. i think i had food poisoning.
me: ohh that sucks.
jane: yeah i constantly had the runs! like couldn't eat anything.
me: ....ohh...
brian: HAHA oh man yeah when i get food poisoning i crap all the time.

i was weirded out. such gross conversations. its like talking with thunder and lightening again.
a few hours later, this guy comes up and talks to some people. supposedly brian knew him.
brian whispers "hey jason."
it was really weird. why not say it loud? or just not say it all? i think it was one of those he kind of hesitated to say hi or not cause it looked like this jason fellow was walking towards us but then got intercepted by another greeter.
i just felt soooo awkward.
cause brian KNEW i heard his whisper, and he KNOWS i'm thinking "what the fuck was that whisper for"

anyways
its monday.

[glasses need to be on]

im sitting at my desk. im tired as shit. i shouldn't be eating pizza and staying up late on thursday.
anyways i took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes.
i reached over to get my glasses and jumped. for .000001 seconds, i said FUCK in my mind.
for a second, i thought there was a scorpion on my desk but it was just my stapler. it was one of those like OMG wait moments.
okay remember the mind plays tricks on you. this is why i wear glasses.

this is what i was going to write about yesterday. hence the title "baby at the door" but i forgot.
couple weeks ago i went to 7-11. in manassas. why do i have to say manassas? theres clearly a big difference between a 7-11 manassas and a mclean 7-11.
so i'm texting as i open the door and walk in. i feel something squishy hit my foot. waht the fuck was that?!
i look down and it was a baby. sitting on the floor. in front of the door.
WHY THE FUCK would YOU PUT A BABY IN FRONT OF THE DOOR?! her overweight, white trailer trash mom was talking to her friend at the counter. did i say anything? no. this lady looked like she wouldve been one of those "DONT TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY DAUGHTER" and shit. no, don't want to deal with that shit.
i then grab a soda and i hear another guy walk in and say "what the!"
this baby is gonna get trampled. and then i hear a black guy, guessing the father yell "Marrisa(?) get the baby away from the door!"
and the mom did. the baby daddy looked like he was straight from 1993 rap music video. anyways, they got out of the store.
after i paid my shit, i went towards the door to leave. my mouth dropped.
the baby was in front of the door again! not only that! her mouth was on the door! she was licking the crack of window and the door frame!!!
LIKE EW!!!! WHAT THE FUCK! EW EW EW EW!! and there her parents were. lighting up a cigarette. not even facing the kid.
if i walked out without paying attention i wouldve 100% knocked the baby unconcious with the door.
finally they saw what she was doing. and moved her about 2 feet.
got in my car. looked at the baby again.
they gave her a lollipop.
she drops the lollipop.
puts it back in her mouth.
these so called parents didn't even notice.
i dont have any kids, so i could be wrong. but...i dont think you should be picking up lollipops from the 7-11 side walk and putting it back in your mouth. just my opinion.
got a weird feeling that the baby is gonna turn out just like the mother. if lion king taught me anything, its the circle of life.

its friday. but i have to work this whole weekend.
how fucking gay as shit is that.

[baby at the door]

so we were at nyc. lots of things happened, but the trip wouldn't have been the same without the natural disasters. thunder and lightening. those girls talk about gross things. i thought girl talk would be a lot more sexier. i was strongly mistaken. but still, team B rules.

i'm not gonna say who, but imagine this. a really pretty girl. taking a long time getting ready. hair did, make up on, takes a while to choose a nice outfit. puts on a nice pair of sunglasses. that girl is looking nice. and then.
girl: man.
me: what?
girl: i gotta poop.

yeah. that totally throws it all out the window. might as well wear sweats and a cowboy hat. its like a hot girl with a weird laugh.
watch this videeooooo

good food, good drunks, good fun. we got really. really. really. drunk. steve got really drunk. the night we went crubbing, steve goes missing. we figured he went back to jiaes place. oh he did alright.
me jiae and tina get out of the elevator. that dude is passed out on the hallway floor.
me: omg...
tina: aww.....
jiae: what the FUCK.
LOLOL. jiaemonster is so funny.

gahd i miss nyc. i can't believe i haven't gone since 2007. thanks to jiae for being an awesome host! we had a lot of fun!

but maybe as not as fun as wally.
Wally: me and heon got real fucked up last night
and we were dancing with girls
very inappropriately
i took my shirt off
andd there was grinding and i liked it
HAHAhaa
im gonna order pizza and eat it all and maybe throw up brbrb

LOL. that guy.
oh yeah shout out to roy.
gluck in school brother

[back]

i'm back from my blogging hiatus. i also went to nyc this past weekend, but i'll update about that later. in meantime, vote on my new poll, and here's a good read.
a certain friend of mine went on a trip, with some other friends. lets say his name is Peter. And lets say the owner of the house they rented from is named Denim.

Peter,

I am glad that you all had a good time last weekend. However, the place was not in order and there were some major problems I had to deal with.
Apparently someone had a bonfire outside underneath the trees. Open fires are forbidden in the neighborhood, especially under trees. There were broken and melted bottles in the ashes and some type of metal pieces. It looks as if no one thought to clean up this mess. Also outside, a smoker left cigarette butts all over the lawn.

On the deck somehow three of the metal chairs had bent legs. How could that have happened?? Also on the deck, the screen was broken at the bottom, like someone kicked it perhaps. ( I know that this was fine before you came because I had the man from the window company working on the screen that week.)
I did see that you left food on the counter, which you should have carried out with you. When food is opened it needs to be refrigerated, as it indicates on the labels. I had to dispose of all of that stuff. Smelly trash also was left under the sink and all sort of full beer bottles were in the kitchen. I had to carry all of that stuff out.

It was good that you stripped the beds, however the towels should have been left out to dry out. All of the wet towels were in a pile with the bed linens on top of them. When I got to them, they were still wet and smelly. Also there was a damp rug in the dryer that someone had apparently washed .

In the front of the house there was a pile of Grey rocks in the bed of plants to the left of the front door. For some reason the small rocks were taken, but the big rock was left there. I looked around to see where they might be, but couldn't find them. I was very saddened to see that someone had messed with these rocks as my Father's ashes are buried beneath the pile and it is sort of a homage to his memory!

The broken bed is a complete mystery to me. I asked the gal who made those beds last week and she said that she moved the bed and that it was fine. The lady who was in the place prior to your arrival also told me that the kids beds were fine. I can't imagine how they got so broken on their own!

One of the flashlights is missing as well as a Bic firelighter.

You all left some clothes in the laundry room, a dirty, wet white towel and a tan wash cloth.

I doubt that your group will be allowed to rent from us again and I am keeping the $200 damage deposit.

You all should learn to respect other people's property!
Denim


Their response to the letter from Denim...


Denim,

Thank you for the response and for bringing some areas to our attention. The answer to the one question you neglected to ask is yes, we did have and AWESOME time. Now allow me to address some of your areas of concern.

Upon our arrival i was very pleased to notice the welcome book on the table. This did a great job making me feel warm and at home for about 2 minutes while I flipped through the pages of un-rentable boats and all the non-existent, entertaining local establishments. Then I looked at the house. I'm sorry you had some major problems to deal with, but so did we. Within 5 minutes in the house, I already had 4 spider kills and somewhere in the ballpark of 15 mosquito swats. Never in my life have I had to clean a house BEFORE I used it. You must be very proud. The last time i saw so many spider webs was in my nightmares at age 7. You must give me the name of your cleaning lady so I can report her to the better business bureau.

Im not sure how many parties you've had at the lake, or how many times you've been camping, but a bonfire is a MUST. Are we expected to make s'mores in the open oven? Also, I don't recall reading anything about no open fires in your exquisite welcome binder. However, that was probably the safest fire in the history of man. You know how many of us were boy scouts growing up? I must of had like 6 smokey the bear badges for safely practicing forest fires. I mean, did you even see the perfect circle of the fire pit? We were so impressed we wanted to leave it for someone to notice. Also, the bottles in the ashes were an attempt to recycle our trash and send it back to mother earth. Unless you don't recycle, in which case you are a communist.

Sorry about the bent legs on the metal chairs from the deck. We had some very large men who are very sensitive about their weight. Don't tell me people in southern Virginia dont know about obesity. I've been to Roanoke...i know. Also, the screen on the sliding door..............well yea we probably broke that.
And how can you get upset about left over food? Who wouldn't want to come home to a counter full of delicious goodness and ice cold brew-skies?. Admit it, you might have been mad, but inside you were thinking "Jackpot". And where exactly did you carry the bottles of beer? According to you, there is no trash deposit at the house. Were you holding out on us? Is that what's in the basement? Or maybe those bottles made their way to the fire pit????
The bed in one of the guest rooms is a mystery to you? Really? I'm not Bob Villa, but i know when a broken slat on a bed has been glued back in place (it leaves a lot of dried glue residue) and then an angle joint is screwed in place to help support said broken slat. Now maybe when your career as a sub-par lake house rental agent is over you can transition to the detective field. Either you're Columbo, or your gal friend is a liar.

The flashlight you're missing is in the lake, sorry. I tried to use it to take a night time stroll on your awesome beach. Three steps later i hit the dock and beach suddenly turned into grass and i dropped the light.

I'm not really sure what happened to the rock pile in front of the house. I heard banjos and country music late one night so you might have a rock thief. Good possibility someone from our group may have kicked them or tried to skip them across the lake, which is wicked fun. I'm deeply sorry to hear about the resting place of your father. No one meant any disrespect by possibly moving the stones. But you gotta admit, it is an odd burial spot. No grave stone of nothing. Did he really love the dirt spot that you a garden? Also, you could of noted this in your lake binder.
And another thing, what's up with your boat dock? Do you just get supper bitter when you go outside? I mean everyone else in your cove had a sweet covered dock with like 2 boats and a jet ski.

-19 Guys

HAHAHAH