[the heist]

so my company is like dunder mifflin.
office staff, warehouse staff. our warehouse got broken into last night. they stole an estimated worth of $30,000. DAAAAAYAM.they think it was a former employee of ours cause it was someone who knew their way around the warehouse.
and i'm thinkin they got away with it. what did they steal? i have no idea. im tryin to find out but no one tells me anything.
couldn't have been me. i just dont have the guts to do that kind of shit. i always wanted to from watching shit like oceans eleven and italian job. but real thieves aren't classy and nice like mark wahlberg and george clooney.
could've it been beardy? maybe. but 99% sure he didn't. too nice. or is that the perfect cover up?
could've it been mr betes? no. too lazy. i bet if i put $10000 on the second floor and told him that its his if he wanted it, he'd just say AW FUCK LARRY WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME $10000 AND PUT IT ON TOP OF THE STAIRS?! he probably woulda asked me to get it and give me 2% of it. he's dumb like that too. anyways he wouldn't fit through the warehouse door lol.
could've if it been that former warehouse employee who left to go to lunch and never came back? yes. now that i think about it, he still owes me $4. bastard. i am a victim of heinous crimes.

Stan, the production manager: "should i call the police?"
me: no, better call..
scottie: encyclopedia brown!
everybody: ahahahaha
jeremy: OR nancy drew
everybody: ahahahah
motherfucker stole my moment. i was going to say john mcclain (bruce willis, die hard). but i guess their answer was better. STILL!! THAT WAS SO MY MOMENT! way to steal my thunder guys. that is the true crime of the story.

i was watching dragonheart yesterday. dennis quaid and sean connery as the dragon. dennis quaid's "accent" was going in and out. bad acting.