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i'm back from my blogging hiatus. i also went to nyc this past weekend, but i'll update about that later. in meantime, vote on my new poll, and here's a good read.
a certain friend of mine went on a trip, with some other friends. lets say his name is Peter. And lets say the owner of the house they rented from is named Denim.

Peter,

I am glad that you all had a good time last weekend. However, the place was not in order and there were some major problems I had to deal with.
Apparently someone had a bonfire outside underneath the trees. Open fires are forbidden in the neighborhood, especially under trees. There were broken and melted bottles in the ashes and some type of metal pieces. It looks as if no one thought to clean up this mess. Also outside, a smoker left cigarette butts all over the lawn.

On the deck somehow three of the metal chairs had bent legs. How could that have happened?? Also on the deck, the screen was broken at the bottom, like someone kicked it perhaps. ( I know that this was fine before you came because I had the man from the window company working on the screen that week.)
I did see that you left food on the counter, which you should have carried out with you. When food is opened it needs to be refrigerated, as it indicates on the labels. I had to dispose of all of that stuff. Smelly trash also was left under the sink and all sort of full beer bottles were in the kitchen. I had to carry all of that stuff out.

It was good that you stripped the beds, however the towels should have been left out to dry out. All of the wet towels were in a pile with the bed linens on top of them. When I got to them, they were still wet and smelly. Also there was a damp rug in the dryer that someone had apparently washed .

In the front of the house there was a pile of Grey rocks in the bed of plants to the left of the front door. For some reason the small rocks were taken, but the big rock was left there. I looked around to see where they might be, but couldn't find them. I was very saddened to see that someone had messed with these rocks as my Father's ashes are buried beneath the pile and it is sort of a homage to his memory!

The broken bed is a complete mystery to me. I asked the gal who made those beds last week and she said that she moved the bed and that it was fine. The lady who was in the place prior to your arrival also told me that the kids beds were fine. I can't imagine how they got so broken on their own!

One of the flashlights is missing as well as a Bic firelighter.

You all left some clothes in the laundry room, a dirty, wet white towel and a tan wash cloth.

I doubt that your group will be allowed to rent from us again and I am keeping the $200 damage deposit.

You all should learn to respect other people's property!
Denim


Their response to the letter from Denim...


Denim,

Thank you for the response and for bringing some areas to our attention. The answer to the one question you neglected to ask is yes, we did have and AWESOME time. Now allow me to address some of your areas of concern.

Upon our arrival i was very pleased to notice the welcome book on the table. This did a great job making me feel warm and at home for about 2 minutes while I flipped through the pages of un-rentable boats and all the non-existent, entertaining local establishments. Then I looked at the house. I'm sorry you had some major problems to deal with, but so did we. Within 5 minutes in the house, I already had 4 spider kills and somewhere in the ballpark of 15 mosquito swats. Never in my life have I had to clean a house BEFORE I used it. You must be very proud. The last time i saw so many spider webs was in my nightmares at age 7. You must give me the name of your cleaning lady so I can report her to the better business bureau.

Im not sure how many parties you've had at the lake, or how many times you've been camping, but a bonfire is a MUST. Are we expected to make s'mores in the open oven? Also, I don't recall reading anything about no open fires in your exquisite welcome binder. However, that was probably the safest fire in the history of man. You know how many of us were boy scouts growing up? I must of had like 6 smokey the bear badges for safely practicing forest fires. I mean, did you even see the perfect circle of the fire pit? We were so impressed we wanted to leave it for someone to notice. Also, the bottles in the ashes were an attempt to recycle our trash and send it back to mother earth. Unless you don't recycle, in which case you are a communist.

Sorry about the bent legs on the metal chairs from the deck. We had some very large men who are very sensitive about their weight. Don't tell me people in southern Virginia dont know about obesity. I've been to Roanoke...i know. Also, the screen on the sliding door..............well yea we probably broke that.
And how can you get upset about left over food? Who wouldn't want to come home to a counter full of delicious goodness and ice cold brew-skies?. Admit it, you might have been mad, but inside you were thinking "Jackpot". And where exactly did you carry the bottles of beer? According to you, there is no trash deposit at the house. Were you holding out on us? Is that what's in the basement? Or maybe those bottles made their way to the fire pit????
The bed in one of the guest rooms is a mystery to you? Really? I'm not Bob Villa, but i know when a broken slat on a bed has been glued back in place (it leaves a lot of dried glue residue) and then an angle joint is screwed in place to help support said broken slat. Now maybe when your career as a sub-par lake house rental agent is over you can transition to the detective field. Either you're Columbo, or your gal friend is a liar.

The flashlight you're missing is in the lake, sorry. I tried to use it to take a night time stroll on your awesome beach. Three steps later i hit the dock and beach suddenly turned into grass and i dropped the light.

I'm not really sure what happened to the rock pile in front of the house. I heard banjos and country music late one night so you might have a rock thief. Good possibility someone from our group may have kicked them or tried to skip them across the lake, which is wicked fun. I'm deeply sorry to hear about the resting place of your father. No one meant any disrespect by possibly moving the stones. But you gotta admit, it is an odd burial spot. No grave stone of nothing. Did he really love the dirt spot that you a garden? Also, you could of noted this in your lake binder.
And another thing, what's up with your boat dock? Do you just get supper bitter when you go outside? I mean everyone else in your cove had a sweet covered dock with like 2 boats and a jet ski.

-19 Guys

HAHAHAH