[needles and stinging things]

yesterday i was driving home from work. windows up. air con blasting. easy listening music. hippity hoppity, gangsta poppity. then i lost total control. WHY?

A HUGE FUCKING BEE WAS IN MY CAR. I WAS LIKE "MOTHERFUCKING OMG OMG OMG OMG FUCK FUCK FUCK" and i didn't care about my car crashing i just wanted the bee to get the fuck out! but it wouldnt! it was RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE!!! IT WAS SOOOOO HUGE. THEN I cautiously drove into the nearest shopping center and ran out. bee got out. i was so angry. WHY would you do that to me mr bee.

today i go home during work because a nurse is meeting me up to get my blood work. my moms signing me up for some shat.
anyways i come home, take a pee, and then watch tv and wait for her to come. i hate the show "yes, dear". i think its so stupid.
nurse lady arrives.
man i hate needles. i start sweating and she does it. not so bad. i can never do heroin. not because of the drug itself, but because of the needle part. how do you people do that? if i was a heroin addict i would be the worst one ever. start freaking out and shit before i shoot up.

okay next part is kinda gross. read at your own risk. make sure you're not eating lunch. well its not that gross but i can imagine some people getting upset.

anyways, she hands me a cup and two tubes. FUCK are you serious? no one told me i needed to give a urine sample! i just peed!
so she tells me to fill the cup, and then put it in two tubes. i was like shit are you serious.
so i went into the bathroom and just stood there. i haven't taken a urine sample for at least a decade. i cannot pee on command. if you gave me a beer i can do it instantly. actually i would probably throw up and then pee constantly. actually no i would first find bobby or tommy to pat my back, throw up, and then pee afterwards. but thats not an option here.
then okay ima try. then i got nervous. i dont know why. i think its just the pure thought of it. you're peeing in a cup. its not something you do regularly. i pee more times outside in public than pee in a cup. i just got stage-fright. but then i was like "wtf. you haven't done drugs in years! what the hell are you scared about juman?" (juman is my korean name)
okay. here i go. and i went.
"this is easy...oh....uh oh". it was at the "oh man i can't stop and the cup is full" stage. anyways i handled that like a gentleman.

now the weird and gross part part. pouring it halfway into two tubes. i would be the worst doctor in the fucking world.
so i went to the sink and started pouring and then i got disgusted. PLOP. FUCK. i dropped the tube. i freaked out and almost dropped the cup of urine. UGH. now its all covered in urine. THIS IS A FUCKING DISASTER! anyways i still had enough urine to pour it in evenly. and so i did. and then i wiped down the tube cause its pretty gross.

then i started thinkin oh man how freaked out would she be if i filled one with chocolate milk and one with grape soda. LOL