[one funny, one epic story]

so when my sister left for new york, i told her
"bring me back a souvenir. i haven't had a ny souvenir in a long time"
she said "okay"
"im being serious!"
she said "okay!"
i picked her up on monday. she hands me a bag of hershey kisses. that you can get at 7-11.
me: whats this
sister: your souvenir!
me:........................why is it open
sister:.................i was hungry on the train
a used bag of hershey kisses.

this next story is vulgar. i recieved permission from tommy and wally, so here is their story.
three weeks ago, i went to the beach with some of my friends. including johnhur, tommy, and wally. this story is a little vulgar so bare with me.
as i wrote earlier, tommy wally johnhur got real drunk. like REAL drunk. like to a scary blacked out point. to a point where tommy just passed out in a stairwell. but before all that, things happened.
john got really, really drunk. but he was also scared of how tommy and wally were acting. reckless. johnhur grew tired and passed out on the couch.
the next morning, we woke up to johnhur yelling "IMA FUCKING KILL YOU GUYS"
did they draw on his face? no.
did they put underwear on his face? no.
did they do anything to his body? nothing at all.

but what could have possibly pissed him off that he would yell that?
john woke up and saw it was odd that his fb notifications have been blowing up. he checked his facebook. wally and tommy took his phone, took pictures, and posted two pictures on his facebook.
the first picture was a picture of wallys ass on johnhurs face. on his facebook.
the second picture was a lot more vulgar. it was a picture of tommy's bare testicles on johns neck. on his facebook.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
he instantly deleted it.
he was teabagged.
that is by far the most comical degrading thing that i know of to a person who passed out from drinking.

what happened a couple weeks later was even funnier.
we got drunk at a party, and wally mentioned something.
wally: oh yeah, by the way. i remembered something from that night.
me: whats that?
wally: i tried to put my nuts on his neck too, but i couldn't reach. so i slapped him with my penis.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
some might find it funny, some might find it gross.

i'm out for a week, see you next tuesday
shout out to roy. and bobby cause i know your gonna bitch about how roy got a shout out but you didnt
PEACE