[clubbing and tree sap]

so we went to the park (d.c's finest overcrowded club) this saturday for jennifers bday. tommy took a poop as soon as we got there. me and steve laughed.
an hour later, i have to take a poop too. laugh rescinded. its gross taking one at the club. and the worst part is theres a line waiting and i feel like everybodys laughing at me cause i'm taking a poop a the club.
anyways, drinking dancing and its time to go home.
as we were leaving, we saw a couple of asian girls up in each others grill. like shit was about to go down.
then all of a sudden, CRACK!
they just broke out in a huge catfight! and as usual, all the guys are just watching them. hair pulling, nails flying, shit was cool. i think sharon wanted to get in that shit and school those girls.
it was fucking awesome!
sharon told us the key to a good cat fight. rip off their shirt so they get embarassed and then you clock em in the face.
i'm guessing guys can't do that. imagine john in a fight and he automatically reaches for the guys pants. it would just make everybody feel uncomfortable. i think the fight would just stop and everybody would just be like wtf and walk away.

this morning...
i don't have my key for my apartment and tommy already left.
i'm already late for work, and its hot as fuck outside and its only 8:50 am.
i have to lock from the inside, and climb down from the balcony.
this could go really wrong. tommy had to do it one time, so if tommy can do it, i can 65% do it.
either that or i'll fall, get hurt and look like a little bitch.
i grabbed a tree branch first to get a good balance.
i then let go of the branch and went to the bathroom cause that branch had tree sap and it was gross as fuck.
i hate sticky.
so im on the ledge. i'm shimmying myself down. as i'm doing this, i realized im ridiculously out of shape.
and so i'm hanging there.
but my feet aren't touching anything! what the FUCK. then i remembered tommy might be a little shorter than me, but my arms are shorter.
damn my stubby fucking arms. so i'm just hanging there shaking my legs.
so i let my fingers slide off a little and now i can feel the top rail of the balcony below me.
so i jumped off that, and i'm on safe ground. i gingerly walk to the car being sure i don't step in dog shit.
GAHD DAMN ASSSHITFUCK.
i forgot to lock the door! which was the whole reason i climbed down!
so i had to do the whole thing again.

i shoulda just stayed home.