[i hate high school kids]

i watched a movie at reston town center. i hate high school kids. they're the ones who try to be cool and laugh at a real serious dramatic scene, who say "omg it was the funniest movie in the world."

for instance. i heard a high school kidsay titanic was the funniest movie in the world. although i think its highly overrated, stop trying to be cool you little douchebag.

i watched avatar and a bunch of high school short midget socially awkward kids were laughing during serious scenes. way to ruin the movie motherfucker. im literally gonna go up to them next time and tell them to shut the fuck up. i seriosuly dont care if i beat up a high school kid. they deserve it. pick on someone my own size? fuck you i am there size im just older. okay maybe im being overly critical. i don't mind them as individuals. i just hate them as a whole. cept for my church kids. they're nothing close to angels but at least when i tell them to shut the fuck up they do.

and yes, i was like that in high school. if i was able to meet myself in highschool, first i'd tell him to start picking up sports because sooner or later all my friends are going to. then i would tell him that in sophomore year when you have a homecoming date, your friends are going to convince you not to go at all even though you really like the girl and have a boys night out instead. and then 2 weeks later they're going to get dates too and you are going to spending it with jiae john hur and shinq. and THEN i would beat him up for being a douchebag.

merry christmas yall!!


0<::)

[work]

i have work today. i want to blog about something funny, but i can't. happiness is buried in the snow with fun larry. like a teenager, i waited til about 3 am waiting for a work email. "office is closed due to inclement weather." i woke up at 730am (i usually wake up at 820-30) checking my email. i text coworkers and no reply. i called in. somebody picked up.
"hey larry"
"yeah, we have work today"

5 words ruined my monday.

i see government employees got off. school closed this week. tommy has work off. sharon has work off. i wouldnt even mind working from home.

my feet and shoes are wet. our parking lot isn't plowed.
im going to have a beer at lunch.

[work? what the fuck.]

last night i had a dream i lost a bet to tommy and i had to do dishes. and then my sister woke me up. LOL i got out of doing dishes. hell yeah.

theres a lot of fuckin snow. fcps is cancelled for two days. government doesn't have work tommorow. tommy and sharon don't have work tommorow. if i have work tomorrow, i am going to tattoo a snowflake on my back. COME ON COME ON COME ON COME ON.

[holiday shopping list]

i did this a few years ago so why not do it again? If i had a billion dollars, this is what i would get for some of my friends

wally - i would move the city of annandale to his basement. along with his favorite gay, curly haired, cat loving manager hyung.

tommy - "Madden for dummies."

steve - "naruto for dummies." 15-3 steve, 15 to 3.

mikey - a 15 minute, no traffic commute like mine. oh and gay porn. (JoJ)

bobby - a deck of trading cards of all the sports he played. a nice action shot of him with his stats and everything so he can grasp onto the past even longer. :)

dahari - free rooms at the venetian along with free meals for him and his friends. oh wait. thats right. he already spends enough to gets that. so ill get him a dvd of american beauty so he can mimick the creepy recording guy.

brian - dude we are showin you a good time in vegas for your bachelor party. you get nothing! lol jk. you get a book on biology cause it seems that you love it so much cause uve been studying it for the past 8 years.
sharon - a fun boyfriend. LOLOL jk jk. the key to HER apartment because i think she lost it. HAHA :)

julia - some height.

phil - a sword and shield for protection
juliana -a 22 year old fake ID

jiae - a visit from me to ny!

melissa - her memory

robin - a bottle of patron and a carton of ciggarettes.

cleezy - a social life and vacation.

tara - we don't really talk about anything. so i dont really know what to get you. how bout a cool handshake

john hur - a bottle of patron and a carton of ciggarettes. and the ability to curse on gchat at work. oh and ima send his video to mtv so it can have a premiere. and maybe friendship with tommy.

john kang - my phone number cause maybe thats why he doesn't call me.

sister mary - the addresses of her real parents
hanna kang - a new job!

ashley chung - chocolate chip cookies

gina choi - some rest. so maybe she won't be too tired to give me a ride to class. (inside joke) oh and some normality.

voldemort - 70ft hello kitty doll.
horatio - freedom. (who's horatio you ask?)

thana - a win for chelsea? interpol? i have no idea what the hell you like. we need to gchat more.

3j's. (jennifer jessica jess) - some rhythm to keep up with me on the dance flooh YA HEARD ME

happy friday yall!

LOL jk roy i didn't forget about you

roy - ima get a benz so maybe then you would wanna hang out with me.

::)

[...next year]

so im on the phone with a vendor. she annoys me. she said she'll call back next year. i got so excited. i was thinking "yes! a year free of this bi--GAHT DAMN IT next year is in 2 weeks." i'm 26 years old and i still get tricked into that shit. i remember ms. burgess in third grade (garfield elementary whattup!) one time said "we wont have anymore homework for the rest of the year'!" and i remember i used to go apeshit. and then muhammed next to me would be like "but the year ends in december." FUCKING HELL THEY GOT ME.

a few years later, ms. wilson in the 6th grade said the same thing. had the same reaction. flashforward to 2000, sophomore year, ms. russ said the line "no more homework for the rest of the year!" at this point, i was the only one who stood up with the arms up. *sigh i will never learn.

this morning i was driving to work and there was a camaro next to me. she revved her engine. like she wanted to race me. bitch its 8:56 am, im tired as fuck, i drive a 2005 honda accord and i have to go to work. and you want to RACE ME?? gahd who the fuck does that?...well i did it anyways tehehehe. our race ended two lights ahead. she killed me.

::)

[christmas muzak]

so i'm listening to christmas music at work. coworker isn't here, so time to blast some music. it makes me feel real happy and in the christmas spirit. but when a coworker comes in, i feel super, completely, absolutely gay. so embarrassing. especially when i'm singing "merry christmas, and happy holidays" by n sync. (one of top 5 btw)

but after listening, one songs disturb me.

"I saw mommy kissing santa claus"
its a song about a boy who saw his mother kissing santa claus (which is obviously his dad but he doesn't know). this means that for the early part of his childhood, he is going to have the misconception that his mother is a whore. not just a whore, but a gold digging whore (santa is worth billions of dollars). he also has the conception that santa is also a cheating, cradle robbing perv. it must be traumatizing as fuck for him to see that. it could've scarred him and caused him to grow up as a womanizing, spouse beating drunk. also, to the dad, why dress up as santa? your kid is sleeping. that only means you get your jollies by dressing up as an old bald fat guy who likes to please children. strange. not hating on santa, just stating some deeper meaning to the whole situation.

oh calm down, you say. its just a song you say. it IS just a song. you know what also was just a song? "cleaning out my closet" by eminem. i bet you eminem's mom kissed santa claus.

i remember one time working at my moms cleaners this lady brought in christmas lingerie. it was really, really awkward putting that in the computer.

::)

[Vanheufnufgn]

so i have to deal with some domain name issues my company is having. so i call the hosting site. its under my boss's account but he's not here. but he told me to say that i'm him calling.

technician: can i have the name on the account?
me: ernest *****
technician: and who am i speaking with?
me: ernest *****
technican: for security purposes can i have the maiden name of your spouse?
(shit. he told me but i cant remember. starts with Vanhuegan? Vanhuessan? VanSoovile)
me: VANhuegansiffle. (i emphasized the VAN and mumbled and whispered the huegansiffle)
technician: i'm sorry what was that?
me: VANgootenshmeel
technitian: i'm sorry you're going to have to annunciate and speak loudly.
me: VANshluamaker?
technician: i'm sorry thats not it. i cannot let you into this account. please call back once you can verify.
me: fine! BYE.

later i find out it was vanwinkle. DAMN IT. not even close. and then after like 20 minutes of being nice, i had to yell, bitch and scream for them to help me out. why can't customer service be nice from the start? but once you yell and bitch then they help you out. gahd so annoying.

i'm busy these days at work. i filed stuff on my computer, drawers, post its, and my legalpad. but my most important notes and instructions are written where? on deli/fastfood napkins. ranging from wendy's to tacobell. why? i dont know. i find it the easiest way to stay organized. so theres literally a stack of napkins on my desk with stuff on it.


::)

[It's a wonderful life]

Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.

-Clarence

[same word]

i just overheard this in my office.
*beep
coworker #1: how do you spell separate?
coworker #2: g-o-o-g-l-e
coworker#1: no really
coworker#2: are you for real? you dont know how to spell it?
coworker#1: do you spell it the same as seprate (thats how he pronounces it)
coworker#2: are you serious? its the same word!
coworker#1: oh. its?
coworker#2: yeah!
*click

wow.

[attacked]

i had a nightmare yesterday. i don't really like reading about people's dreams so i'll keep mine short and simple. me, voldemort, jessica (lee) are getting attacked by two zombies and we're in my room. i take a bat, swing it, and accidently hit jessica (maaan even in my dreams im unathletic). so we run to my car, but its only me and voldemort.
me: "where the fuck is jessica!!!"
voldemort: " shes inside making sandwiches. just in case we get hungry"
me: WHAAAT THE FUCCCKK! we gotta get outta here noww!!!

so i run inside the house full of zombies to get her out (how heroic. in real life...i might have to do a risk analysis, think about the whole situation first). but as i run in, she runs by me. but its too late. my momentum sucked me into the pile of zombies. and thats when i woke up with my heart racing. i didn't even get to see what kind of sandwich she was making us. probably turkey cause thats the meat i have in my fridge. but maybe something different cause it was my parents house. i really gotta stop watching weird shit on tv before i go to sleep.

and why do i get the same nightmares a 5 yr old would have? what the fuck is that all about?

i hate it when stupid celebrities share their opinions about politics and government. especially rappers. especially southern rappers or ones who rap about money, hos and rides. and really hot but stupid actresses who think they know what they're talking about. its like me talking about stamps. i dont know anything about stamps but you dont see me talking about it. or glaciers. i dont know anything about glaciers either.

happy friday yall. make some memories. happy birthday juliana!
::)

[me, darnell, deanda, and fucking verizon]

this isn't going to be an entry about complaining. this is a story about Larry, darnell, and De'anda.

so verizon sent me a "LIKE-NEW" phone. which really means used, but they think we're all idiots and that we'll be happy with anything with the word "new" in it. so i went back to the verizon store in Fair Oaks, VA to have all my contacts transferred. little did i know i was actually walking into the verizon store in the ghettos of Compton, California.

darnell (with rap music blasting out of his phone): whats good man

me: whatsup (my attempt to be a cool customer) i need to get the numbers of my old phone to be transferred to my replacement phone.

darnell: iite. come back in 20.

me: iite.

(twenty minutes later he hands me the phone. but the problem is, i can't hear anything through the earpiece)

me: yo this phone ear piece isn't working.

darnell (still listening to the same song): you sure man?

me: yeah i can't hear anything.

darnell: uh well whatchu want me to do with it?
(me looking at the huge sign above him that said "technical support")

me: well i need someone to fix it

darnell (hands me a brochure): call this number
me: okay......(BUT HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL IF I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING YOU PIECE OF SHIT).....wait. how am i supposed to call this number if my phone isn't working?!

darnell (points to de'anda): you need to talk to her man. not my problem.

(at this point i was furious. i didn't care if i sounded cool anymore. i was speaking now like the adult, white male father of 3 kids.)

me: he sent me over cause...(i explained my problem)

de'anda had long fingernails. really long. didn't want to break them. so it was very hard for her to get my battery out of my phone.

de'anda: you need to sit and wait sir.

me: iite.

de'anda (to darnell shaking her head like wtf): chhhh.

(10 minutes later)

de'anda: verizons sending you a new one.

me: but how am i supposed to call people?

de'anda: ch. use the speakerphone

me: are you serious?

de'anda (big ghetto slang talk, neck moving all crazy n shit): ch seirosuly this ain't somthin i can fix. ch.

me (thinking in my head): this is why people are racist. this is why people are racist. this is why people are racist. this is why people are racist.

because of idiots like darnell and de'anda.

>::)

[verizon crying]

i went to verizon the other day. i was going to go there and give a piece of my mind for having to deal with such a shitty blackberry. i took my name and waited. played with some phones here, played with some phones there. i thought man, i want a droid like bobby. so i was looking at it.
next to me was a lady, probably late 40's. talking to a sales person about her phone. and then all of a sudden she stopped talking. and then started crying. i felt bad for the lady cause its the holiday season and you should not cry. i also felt bad for the saleslady cause she had the "wtf am i supposed to do" face.

so they gave me a new phone. hurray. i was happy. so to congratulate me, i stopped by cinnabon to get a cinnabon. i actually was going to go regardless if i was happy/mad/sad so i guess thats pointless. so i saw like 5 cinnamon rolls there. 3 good looking ones, and two nasty looking ones.

in my head..."please oh please give me the good looking one"
and he was reaching for it...
in my head..."YES FUCK YEA--"
"excuse me sir where are the forks?" - lady next to me said.
"oh ill show you" - worker.
came back. and reached for the nasty one.
in my head..."ahh oh no"
he grabbed it, put in a box and handed to me.
i know i couldve said i wanted the other one, but i was too shy.

then i went to get cigarettes.
"can i have a pack of marlboro lights?"
"marlboro reds?"
"marlboro lights."
"oh okay."
and handed me marlboro lights. i know you were expecting something crazy but nope. i paid 4.95 and left.

LOL WHAT A BORING POST HAHAHAa
::)

[i have nothing to write about]

i have nothing to write about. i have a blackberry tour. the trackball sucks. i had originally typed out how it doesn't work, but it was too easy for a setup for a perverted insult that many of you readers would take the opportunity to remark on.

i spent the past weekend polluting the young minds at a retreat. spending time away is always good for the soul and mind. kids are too funny. there is a growing number of socially awkward kids in my church. maybe our church events for adults should limit the number of alcohol consumed cause some kids just aint right. these kids are gawd awful short too. wth man. but nonetheless, they are adorable.

after retreat we had a big snowball fight. robin got pelted in the face. pretty funny. it was like a scene from Calvin and Hobbes.

redskins almost beat the saints. suisham needs to die. come on. really? even i can make that kick. although i would be deathly afraid of the 11 angry black men ready to kill me, i would still make it. did u see that play where brees threw the interception and then they fumbled, got it back, and ran it in? before he threw that interception brees stiff armed some dude to the ground and made him look like a bitch. i said bitch get off me! but all in all, come on suisham. what the fuck was that man?

::)

[two things]

company bought another christmas tree. guess who had to set it up? coworkers picked me. so after 20 minutes of decorating, i expected some sort of gratitude. it looked good to me. people were walking by checking it out.

what i expected to hear:
"aww thats so pretty!"
"great job larry!"
"finally we can get in the spirit of christmas"

what i actually heard:
"why are the colors on one side"
"this looks like the tree from "a charlie brown christmas""
"did you put lights and ornaments on a homeless man?"

ungrateful bastards. after another 30 minutes of rearranging and with help from a coworker, this is my final product.

tehehe.

and another thing.

on thanksgiving i was vaccuming my floor. i was doing the corners with the tube thing. if you think putting it close to your ear to hear whats inside or to clean your ear real well, its not a good idea. in fact its dangerous. i put it carefully close, and then it went THUMP! sucked my ear! i had a ringing in my ear for like 3 hours. be careful man.

::)

[the serious movie]

so i watched twilight last night. this movie is so emo. "i can't live without you in my life, so i have to think about ways to kill myself." that, my loyal readers, is the definition of emo, creepy, and what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you. things that were going through my mind?

-i swear passion of the christ was more lighthearted than this movie. i don't think i've ever seen a teenage movie as serious as this. there is not a single comedic moment. lighten up twilight.

-when robert pattinson and kristen stewart kiss on screen its so overly dramatic it looks like they're having the sex.

-the two main characters robert pattinson and kristen stewart have the most serious relationship ever. they look into their eyes without saying a word, no smiling, they talk about how they would kill themselves if the other wasn't around. if thats what true love is, i dont want it. i rather have a girl beat me up.

-dakota fanning is one badass motherfuckuh.

-in the theater, i saw two asian men walk in together the theater. i guess they were friends? one was a short, middle aged, bald man who looked like george costanza. the other one was a middle aged, tall, ghetto fabbed out, weirdo with headphones on. and they sat with one seat between them. it was a definition of an odd couple and why were they watching twilight? can you say pe. do. philes?

i give this movie a 3/6 glasses.

::)